I was somewhere around Butterworth of the edge
of the northern border when the drugs began to take hold of me.

Once you start having a serious drug collection it’s hard to let go of the habit. Starting the collection has nowhere been as easy as in the poor developing and muslim countries I’ve been to lately. Now the collection habit had gotten out of hand.  A break up was inevitable. I had had enough of substances beyond my comprehension.

Back in the day I used to collect shoes! For an unknown reason 30 months ago I changed to collecting different kind of drugs. It all started of as something very innocent. Before leaving Finland I got some widely recommended pills for the loose days. When in Mexico and Central America my collection started building up.

A while ago it hit me hard. My collection was at it’s peak. At least so I hoped. My backpack was starting fill up of different kinds of pills, powders, creams and liquids. I was starting to question my collection. Consumption was in no way comparable to the speed of collecting, luckily. I was like a long tailed macaque monkey storing food in it’s cheek. Unlike a monkey I was aware of all this and had started questioning my old habits and refused to swallow any longer. None of this seemed to make any sense. I didn’t even want any drugs but in many countries and continents through accidents I was given them for free.

For a long time the extra sweat from having to carry a kilo
of drugs with me around  was a small price to pay. I was in control.
I could have them when ever I  felt abnormal.

I had been close to equator for a long time. I had lost weight. Fungus had started taking over the unused malaria pill package. Cream for dry skin had been totally useless in moist and warms parts of the world. Antihistamine, painkillers and cortisone creams had become obsolete after finding Vipassana meditation. Small ephedrine pills might have still come handy if I one day wanted to run marathon. But I had stopped running a long time a go…

Then there were the antibiotics. I left Finland with one type and 10 pills. Now the collection consisted of 5 different kinds in all the main colors. Those damn drugs had saved my life, twice. It seemed they were the only thing in this life I still loved to hate.

There is nothing quite like the numbing feeling of stuffing 1000mg of
antibiotics in stomach on one go. It is the waiting period that made me
a bit out of ease. Not being sure if the drugs start working or if the infection
keeps spreading. Heat waves through the body distracts the mind for fraction
of the second letting the imagination take control.
“I have no fever. It is just warm outside.”

Antibiotics seemed to kill anything and everything. I could feel them inside of me and see them do their miracles on the outside. Noticing that the healing has started was every time a mind soothing sensation. At the same time I knew it was all a big cover up. The infection gets almost eradicated but not quite. A small seed remains. It stays dormant until something reactivates it. Then the suffering surfaces again. Like an addiction it only grows stronger by time. Yet I felt happy. Nothing stays forever. I had found a path that would eventually, with patience, eradicate the suffering. There would be no more pills.

Through experience it was clear that no drug collection would ever be enough. Throwing it all away was a tempting idea. It is hard to to let go of some of the old teachings, let go and accept the fact of uncertainty beyond anyone’s control.

I was sick of all the drugs. I was really sick of eating them.
Just these multivitamins and after that it I’ll stop.

JUST DO IT. At some point I stopped to think, feel and react in a certain way when exposed to those words together. Instead of reacting and wanting to consume I acted with a more or less balanced mind. What I didn’t know was that letting go of my sneaker collection would take me to tropics, surf and collect drugs. Yet here I am and the healing has started. Pfizer free – happy me.

One finnish newspaper publishes a travel blog called 100 maata (100 countries). The main idea of the blog is to see if the woman will reach 100 countries or not. The name of the blog is a rip-off from a blog called 100 naista (100 women). That was quite popular and well written blog in Finland and it was about a man who made a bet with his friend if he could sleep with 100 women in one year. I stopped reading that when the man sold his blog to a women’s magazine with pink background.

On the lines of the many newspaper columns this 100 countries travel blog often tries it’s best to provoke people and get as much controversial feedback as possible. The latest post was about different kinds of travelers. There is no point on referring to that article since it’s in Finnish. Anyways so that you get the idea, some of her other post have been: “Am I a bad person if I don’t like Thailand” and “They don’t want hippies in Thailand”. Let’s just say that it reminded me of my intention half a year ago to try to categorize travelers. Since I’m a bit bored and at the right state of mind I might as well waste 100 minutes for this categorizing thing that I once ruled out as a stupid idea.

So let’s start generalizing.

7 different travelers

1. Corporative folks:

Example 1: Traveler with short time to travel. He is a wannabe rich capitalist who works for a multi-national corporation. He didn’t really want to go abroad but he feels bad because everyone else at the office is talking about diving in the Maldives and and seeing super romantic Taj Mahllalala, or what ever.

Example 2: Same as Example 1 but this guy isn’t wannabe anymore. He shows the wannabes what life can be if they work like him for 25 years. His got no intrest for the local cultures. He goes to Cuba to have sex with beautiful girls on the beach. On extended weekend vacation he flies to the major cities of Asia and USA and eats out at the most expensive restaurants.

Example 3: Secretary. She doesn’t earn that much but by extortion she is able to use her bosses skiing chalet when ever she feels like it.

2. Joe the Plumber
Example 1:  (age 20-34) You got to love this traveler. Depending of the continent he buys hetero straight flights to either Cancun Mexico or Canarian Islands Spain or as new addition, because of cheap flights, to Thailand. The week long holiday is spent accordingly: 5 days getting drunk including both flights and taxi ride home, 1 day not being able to drink because the boat excursion is giving Joe a horrible seasickness, and one day fighting with wife because she though lap dance from a waitress last night was the end of the world.

Example 2: (age 35-67) Exactly the same except Joe is traveling alone or with his Plumber friends, because wife left him. Drugs are replaced with viagra or expensive whiskey.

3. My school just ended. PARTYYY!
Example 1: Why do I even bother explaining this one. The headline should tell enough… Well anyway, these people get money as a present from graduating. The money is spent on a 3 month trip to the most exotic place possible. Of course this exotic place has to have good parties so most likely it will be Goa, Thailand, or some other cheap but at the same time cool place to be. Europe and USA are out of the question. Only some small niche groups might consider route 66 or ski season in Verbier as a destination. It’s obvious that the local culture is not the main intrest of the trip. It’s all about finding a surfing beach and having sex with a local girl/guy. If the person doesn’t get lucky he/she will lie and tell that he/she got lucky and it was the best sex ever and recommends doing the same thing if ever at the beach. All this happens while listening to Bob Marley.

Example 2: This one is just like Example 1 except he did the mistake of buying a return ticket too far into the future. He’s read the Lonely Planet and all his detective books, twice. He becomes bored and the drugs don’t do the trick anymore. He spends time in internet cafes and watching movies and tv. One night stands are fun but start taking too much effort so he starts relying on prostitutes. It’s easy life but secretly he is hoping to get back to home because everyone else are building their careers and getting rich and some even famous. 

4. I have to do all this fun stuff before I get old
Example 1: This guy is not leaving anything in the hands of faith. He’s got a careful plan of the destinations and activities he wants to do before it’s all too late. Everyone is already expecting him to settle down. The photos of the trip are constantly uploaded to Facebook to keep the opposition quiet and jealous. He might catch something of the cultures on the way but mostly the learning happens through Lonely Planet. There isn’t really much to tell about this travelers. It’s a performance trip, the thing he has to do before settling down, finding a job and buying an expensive car. At least now he can say that he saw whales and coloured people when his friends are comparing their wrist watches.

Example 2: The other option is pretty much the same. The difference is that this man hasn’t got a glue where to go or what to do. Again Lonely Planet will guide him if he gets stuck but other than that the entire trip is about facebook and being cool on the way. Duration of the trip depends… Either wedding or a funeral of a friend or family gives him the perfect excuse to go back home.

5. I don’t know who I am?
Example 1: This guy of course leaves his home only because he sees no reason why not to go. He can feel lost and confused at home or abroad. The good thing about traveling for this guy is that it’s a good reason to feel out of place. Usually he tries to travel as cheaply as possible so that he doesn’t have to go back home in a long time. After different religions and cultures he knows many things but those things don’t help him to blend back to his society and get a job so he ends up working at McDonalds selling his soul to the devil for 6 months of the year. After that he buys a new flight ticket and goes of again.

Example 2: This guy has the same background and after spending many years abroad the drugs and sun start taking the toll and returning home becomes the hardest part of the travel. That is why he eventually ends up running some remote hostel in the furthest corner of the world. Of course before this he was a scuba diver, bartender, fisherman, ski guide, chef, sailor, NSA agent, organic farmer and many other things that allow him to just tell the same stories to new people day after day. He’s given up on finding out who he is and just relaxes at his hammock.

6. Look at me! I’m saving the planet!
Example 1: Unlike the one who is searching for himself, this girl knows perfectly what is wrong with the world and has found the perfect NGO to make the world a better place to live. If only others lived like her, eating raw food and loving everything that moves. Of course all this goodness has it’s toll. She is a nervous wreck and can’t stand people that eat chocolate, horses and drink milk shakes. She smokes cigarettes all the time, takes no care of her physical condition and occasionally gets totally wasted and wakes up next to some random traveler but all that is just because she can’t stand stupid people around her.

Example 2: She is pretty much the same except her diet category is ‘Vegan’. Just like her raw food friend she doesn’t understand people who work from 9 to 5 and spent their lives in the cubicles chasing money only to realize that all that wealth means nothing when hard attack presents itself at the age of 45.

7. World citizen
Example 1: This guy has seen all the continents and knows everything about everything. He spends all his time in hostels and bars comparing experiences and trying to find out if there is something cool stuff still to do that he has missed on his travels. Of course he will never admit to others that what they have done sounds cool since he is the ultimate nomad, vagabond, master of salsa, speaks fluently 5 languages and knows the secret of life. Secretly he is afraid of getting old while other travelers around him change and thus stay young.

Example 2: Few steps down from Example 1 there is the future world citizen. He is more modest but just as eager to tell and compare travel stories and list all the countries, sights, activities and people he has met on the way. People who haven’t traveled as much and as far as he has, know nothing and don’t deserve his full attention.

7. I’m rich bitch!
Example 1: Then there is the weird traveler. He is the combination of them all. He only tells you of the present if he sees it fit. He worries of nothing. He’s seen many things and most of the time he sees no point trying to put it in words. He just smiles and listens. He is uncomfortable to many people because he shows no emotion or passion for things and people passing by him.
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So there you go. I hope you’re angry! This should be the perfect blog post. It’s got the ultimate TOP 7 travelers listing of the new millennium. It’s got putting people into categories, criticizing different groups of people, humour(?), self irony etc. Now all I need is for you to become extremely offended and tell your friends what an asshole I am and how I make stupid stereotypes of people.

You see the secret of modern news, blogs and all kinds of stories is that you just have to put disclaimer to everything you say. Phrases like: “people say”, “there are rumours” or “I was told” are enough to let you of the hook.

SO, my disclaimer:
Finnish weird ass humor + Everything I just wrote, I don’t necessarily think that way. I’m just coming up with stereotypes and generalisations and writing about them to become famous.

On the beach I talked to this guy who works as a ^^^^^^ and as a (side)business he sells drugs to people on the beach. Just earlier that day the police took him into custody and made an ultimatum: He either has to pay them 100 euros a month or stop dealing. He didn’t seem to be even thinking about finding a new second job.

Merida is a nice city. It’s the capital of Yucatan state. To my liking, after returning from the ruins of Uxmal, it seemed terrible polluted. The streets are narrow and the little wind that helps you breath actually feels like you would be standing behind a exhaustion pipe of a big truck, it’s warm and feels dirty.

I took the afternoon bus to Piste, a village of 7000 people just next to the ruins of Chizen Itza. I ended up staying in a hotel right next to the main street. It’s called Poseidon what ever. After hard bargain I dropped the price from 250 pesos to 170 for one night. It’s still much for my budget but a double bed room with a shower is a nice change.

The owner of the hotel also owns a bar cross the street. He invited me for a beer. We shared a 1 liter bottle and then an other one when he insisted.

I know normally I should tell the nice side of things but I will do an exception just for you my dear blog readers. This man was a troubled soul. He was 76 years old according to his own words. He has lived his whole life in Piste and among other things is a herb healer. He read my hand by squeezing it. The result was that I was thinking of my family all the time. I wanted to thank him for reminding me for that important thing but decided to just nod as a sign of accepting his skills.

The man started talking to an other person briefly. We were sitting outside the bar and across the street I saw a woman climb in to a truck. She decided to enter from the drivers side and squeeze herself over the driver slowly teasing the man. From the other side entered an other woman and a man. When everyone was inside the truck took off.

The chat between me and the owner continued. Topics were heavy ones; death of his child, prostitutes, her ex and current wife, religion and beer.

“God is great”, he repeated every now and then. God was so big that after the swine flue calmed down He brought back the tourists. These tourists give work for majority of this city since Piste is located just 1 km from the famous Maya ruins of Chitzen Itza. The ruins are one of the new seven wonders of the world. Those wonders were selected on the Internet by voting some years back. The new 7 wonders of the world… I guess global tourism needed some extra promotion for the new millennium.

This story isn’t pretty. The old man was nice but I can’t say the same about of the way he sees the world. After having his first child according to him the sex wasn’t the same with his wife. Demonstrating with his hands he pointed out how the “stuff” downstairs was loose after giving birth. So it was natural that he searched for some other ladies to just give him pleasure.

Some young men showed up the second time to the bar with their bikes. During the first visit the other one of them placed his bike carefully against the pavement. This time he tried to place is there gently but his hand eye coordination was gone and his eyes looked empty. Finally the bike just crashed on the street.

The old man continued his stories. “The god is great and all over the place!” He told how he was a 100% 100% 100% precent Mayan. There was something in the way he said it that made me doubt it. The fact that his skin was a bit pale also made me wonder about his true ancestors. My imagination took off and made a story where her mother cheated her husband with a white man and that is how he was born. Back in real life the man used to work for the big hotels of the village as a musician. That explains the drinking problem I thought… He was drunk when I met him and even more drunk now.

The other one of the young men had left again and now he came back all covered in mud. Most probably he had fallen with his bike. This time he just tossed his bike to the ground. His eyes looked really drugged. He wasn’t the only one looking like on drugs. Every second young person that passed by looked to be on drugs. These were poor men so my guess was that they were sniffing glue or something close by. I’ve seen that happen among the road workers in Guadalajara.

The stories of the old man, that I first found interesting, now started to disgust me. He told me about his second wife who comes and goes to Merida every week. Apparently she has a man there and it’s no secret. His got 4 daughters. One of them tried to be in charge of the bar but it didn’t work out.

While telling his stories this old man was looking at young women passing by us. One was his old friend. He asked me if I would like to have her for the night. It would just cost me 200 pesos (10 euros). I told I just wanted to sleep tonight. “Just sleep!” he laughed and let it go. The women said to him that I wouldn’t be interested of her. “I was more into Gringas (white girls).” I tried to explain that that is not the case, but decided to let it go after starting my sentence.

As I’m writing this the old man entered the hotel with some woman. I’m sure he is thinking: “God is great and everywhere”.

After finishing the beers I told the man I would pay the other one and went in to pay. “40 pesos”, said the lady. A man in the corner told her: “cover him 50″. I gave her 100 and got back 50. I said this wasn’t what she said to me but it didn’t help. To them I was just money in the same way women were meat to this old man. I went to my room and blocked the door with a table. During our conversation he had mentioned too many times that the hotel is a really safe place to sleep. Good night, Piste.